Excuse the profanities in the title, but seriously, hiking the Grand Canyon was one of the biggest challenges of my life. Up there with the likes of running a half marathon at midday in 30 degree heat after an 80km bike and 3km swim, with not crying as I walked down the aisle (with happiness obviously) and leaving Subiaco to live in Scarborough. It took a lot to get me over the line.
At 4am last Saturday morning, Sean’s alarm went off. He wanted us to get up by 5am to set off by 6am so we wouldn’t be walking in the heat, but somewhere along the line we buggered up our time changes and Sean pushed me out of the door in protest at 4.45am. Incredibly, there were other loonies setting off for hikes as we walked for the bus to take us to South Kaibab trail, mostly in khaki outfits, high-top hiking boots, loud and excited voices and wild eyes. My pink singlet was poking out from behind my bright orange jacket (woo Lululemon!), but Sean had prepped me that I’d need hiking boots so I looked pointedly at them when the serious hiking dudes eyed me with curiosity. You can still look cute while hiking.
At 5.30am we reached the top of the trail and the view was magnificent. Almost worth getting up at 4am for. Definitely worth getting up at 5am for. We saw the sun rising and the colours of the rocks were exquisite so I finally stopped sooking about the early start and joined Sean in his enthusiasm for the day ahead. It was 10.5km to Colorado River and we were told by numerous guide books not to ever do a one day hike to the river and back (apparently many people had died or been hospitalised trying). I agreed whole-heartedly but unfortunately Sean was in charge and I didn’t know how far we were walking at this stage) so I let him take control. First mistake.
We had a ball barrelling down the hill with seasoned hikers and I couldn’t help but think it was going to be easy! It was so beautiful and around every corner we were presented with a new breathtaking vista. We were loving it, talking away, laughing taking pictures and eating Clif bars like we owned the joint.
We finally got to the bottom after about two and a half hours of hiking. We were both feeling it in the legs so we stopped by Boats Beach and soaked our feet in the icy Colorado River before having a little nap under a tree. Everything was going swimmingly. We woke up after about 20 or 30 minutes (my sleep was very intermittent thanks to the friendly lizards that rustled in the bushes regularly and my readings on rattlesnakes at the forefront of my mind) and Sean decided to be a hero and dunk his whole body in the approximately 10 degree water (coz a chick did it first… not me, obviously; nothing to prove, friends, nothing to prove).
After the dazzling display of heroics and Baywatch-style walk up the beach afterwards, Sean reckoned it was time to keep moving. We got about 20 steps before realising we had breakfast at 4.30am, it was now 10.30am and our stomachs were emitting some seriously angry noises.
Second mistake of the day occurred here. We had decided in our wisdom that we’d be healthy on our trek and eat tuna and crackers for lunch. At about 100 calories per lunch, we were going to be in serious calorie-deficit. After a 10.5km walk and small “it’s only 5.30 (later to be discovered 4.30) I can’t eat this” breakfast, tuna and crackers would prove to be not the answer for a hikers’ lunch. At this stage though, we were happy especially as I had visions of supermodel thighs emerging, so we munched down the tuna and crackers and set off on another trail feeling satisfied. Third mistake here. Did you catch that? “Another trail” I said back there. On the upward bound hike we decided to go up Bright Angel which was supposed to be about the same distance and slightly less strenuous. Sounded good to me! However, we were yet to discover the trail was in fact 12 miles one way, whereas the one we walked down was 12.6miles round trip. It was 11am and starting to get very warm (low to mid 30s) and not many places to hide from the sun in the big GC. We made it to the lovely Indian Gardens which had some lovely shade and benches to put our feet up and we were still feeling pretty good. We’d eaten our trail mix just before arriving (peanut butter m&ms and pretzels, goodbye visions of becoming world’s shortest supermodel) and in doing so, said goodbye to our last morsels of food. But hey, we had picked off 7.5km (or about 4miles) so we were laughing right? Only a few kilometres to go, right? Wrong. The lovely Indian Gardens became my first location of doom as we read the sign pointing to the top reading “4.7 miles or 7.2km”. And it was a steep 4.7 miles, let me tell you, it was no Cottesloe beach; it was a nasty, steep switchback trail. And we were out of food.
We pushed on and I was feeling gallant still, although the distress was slowly creeping in. Sean was being lovely, encouraging me and telling me that he was proud and so on I went… and on, and on, and on. And still no freaking sign that we were moving any closer to the top.
We had numerous stops, drank about 4L of water each, Sean tried to make me laugh by making loud and stinky tuna farts. It didn’t work funnily enough, so he walked downwind instead and told me happy stories to take my mind off pain. My legs weren’t sore at this stage and my feet were holding up, I just had nothing left in the tank. Pure exhaustion had set in (surprising, seeing as we’d already hiked about 20km at this point). I was considering stealing a lolly bag straight out of a little girl’s hands but managed to contain myself and keep moving. A lot of people were in the same boat, there must have been about 1,000 people on the trail going up, and many were taking regular breaks like us.
The annoying this about hiking up is that the top always seems the same distance away for miles and miles, even though you have ploughed through so many switchbacks. It reminded me of the last 5kms of the Rottnest swim when the island looks so close for so long but after thousands of strokes, you’re still not at the freaking Quokka Arms, are you?
We asked a ranger at one point “how much further to the top?” when we felt sure it was only around the corner. She sunnily responded “only a mile” and I hissed back “that’s not close” and later I found out she was lying anyway, it was much more than “only a mile”.
It was soon after this when I thought we’d definitely gone a mile and still the top looked the same distance it did a million miles back, that the waterworks started.
“We’re still not any (expletive) closer to the top,” I wailed. “Look, the top’s just an illusion, we’ll never get there.”
“You’re doing awesome, gorgeous, we are getting closer, we’re nearly there,” Sean said while gently pushing me up the hill with a hand at the small of my back.
“I’m going to be one of the people that die, I’m never going to make it,” I say pathetically with tears gushing as I think of my Mum’s reaction that I died out at the Grand Canyon. Then Sean wouldn’t be the perfect son-in-law anymore, would he? Small satisfaction from this thought. But all Sean could do was laugh at this comment, hysterically how he did laugh..
“I might die and all you can do is laugh – you don’t love me waaaaahhhhhhhhh,” I sob.
“You won’t die, Rooster I won’t let you,” he said seriously, before muffling further laughter.
Just when I thought it was the end (of me), we rounded a corner and saw the final zig zagging path that took us to the top. I smiled for the first time in two hours.
We made it and Sean was still very proud, despite the tears (they only lasted about 1-minute before Sean did or said something funny that didn’t quite make me laugh as I didn’t have the energy, but cheered me enough to stop crying).
We got back to Maswik Lodge and headed straight for the drinks station and had a big cup of lemonade. Once I was hydrated and we found the chocolate, Sean told me we had walked just over 30-kilometres when we thought we’d be walking around 16 (well, Sean had always thought we’d do around 20km but as you know, that was mistake numero uno on my behalf).
That night I ate a big bowl of spaghetti bolognaise at the lodge’s cafeteria (great atmosphere and lovely surrounds but food you wouldn’t let the dog eat) and then we went to bed around 8pm and watched the movie, The Break Up. Sean said the main characters (who, obviously, break up) reminded him of us a little. No kidding, champ.
But seriously, the Grand Canyon didn’t break us, it only made us stronger and perhaps created some of the most genuinely romantic conversations we’ve ever had (like not letting each other die, always looking after each other etc). I went to sleep absolutely exhausted, cuddled my supportive (if a little untrustworthy) husband and felt pretty proud of myself for walking the furthest, steepest hike of my life.
The next morning my legs were soooo incredibly sore mainly glutes and calves (why not the thighs, why?!) and we left the Grand Canyon for a long road trip that would get us to Yosemite National Park on Monday (May 31). We stopped over in a town called Beatty and this was when I thought there must be a god looking down on me after the hardship I’d endured. At this random little town, with about two cheap hotels, a gas station and two cheap American restaurants – there lay the biggest candy and nut store in Nevada. Thank you God.
See y’all in Yosemite!
Lisa and Sean xoxo
THanks for the photos(early sunrise is my fav.) and awesome tales of your adventures down and up! one of the greatest sites on earth….very entertaining…..gotta watch for “the steep switchback trickery”……so good…..x
So glad you survived the Grand Canyon and that Sean hasn’t lost his best son-in-law in the world title.
You are going to be able to live on these memories for the rest of your life – and dine out on them!
Good work, team!
Lisa! After that climb I think you need lots of peanut butter and chocolate TREATS! Miss you! xx
Ahaha oh Foxy you know what heals the Golden Retriever for sure! I bought a jar of that White Chocolate WOnderful peanut butter and we have been having that everyday for lunch hahaha. Miss you too, email me with the goss, i will email you when we get to better location (i’m replying from roadside diner with sticky keyboard!!). Big big hugs xoxoxo
Hi Lise (and Sean!)
I have just finished reading all your blog posts (we’re just finishing up production for Homes so things are a little quieter than this time last week!) and I love your adventure! You’re certainly making the most of every moment!
I got all teary when I read this last one about the mammoth GC trek. Well done, peeps. What a nice story. Props to Sean for being such an encouraging husband and props to you for making it in the end, Lise. That’s amazing.
I look forward to hearing all about Yosemite (when I was in the US, way back when I was 14 in 1993 (!), it was winter so Yosemite was closed. We went to Sequoia National Park instead and it was one of my fave places on the trip – I’ve always wanted to get to Yosemite, though!) so keep those blog posts coming! It inspires me.
Lots of love,
Jac x
Hey Jac, Thanks for the email, i’ve been missing you guys heaps and wondering how you’ve been going! I can’t believe you came here, Yosemite was brilliant, one of the prettiest places I’ve seen. You definitely need to get over and see for yourself!
We’ll blog with lots of pics so you can see how much you need to do it! Hope everything is going well back home, am going to email you guys soon requesting Perth update. Lots of love to you xoxox
Lisa your stories are absolutely hilarious! I’ve just discovered your blogs and had to read them all. Very very funny 🙂
Are you still coming to England in August? I’m very excited to meet the prawn. I promise not to take you on any hikes, perhaps just eat lots of yummy food 🙂
Keep having a fabulous time!
Love Haz x
Hazzy!! So glad you’re reading these and let’s hope you are featured in England weeeee! Yes we are coming around August 10th, so closer to the date let’s book in something FUN!!! The Prawn is excited to meet the Hazzy Hamburger too! xoxo
So proud of you Lisa. Good job. I am running a half marathon tomorrow, but planning for a 2hr run with my friend Elaine. She wants to break the 2hr barrier. Skiing starts next weekend. Have a very happy birthday on Monday. 🙂 Miss you lots. xxx
Hey O’Neills!
WOW – what a trek! Lis, I think I felt every bit of your anxiety and pain with that trek, I’m so proud of you both, and what an achievement. Plus – bear and a snake! You are super tough. 🙂
And happy birthday too! Hope you had a wonderful day and that you were super spoilt, can’t wait to hear about it.
lots of love,
xxxx em